


Love Letters

by Vaderfanboi



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Just some good old fashioned love, Light Angst, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, This fic will be going on my resume tbh I'm very proud
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-07-01 12:45:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15774381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vaderfanboi/pseuds/Vaderfanboi
Summary: Your whole life, you were expecting to find the love of your life. You hoped for a beautiful romance, instead, you got a letter.





	1. Paths

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter takes place right after The Winter Soldier but the rest of the fic is going to take place throughout Civil War with a possible epilogue after Infinity War. I actually planned out the plot of this fic so I'm not going in blind like I usually do. I hope you enjoy it!

In this life, everyone is born with a counterpart. Their other half, some might say, their missing piece. These people are often misconstrued to be the completion of the other, however you knew better. A more appropriate term would be foils; two people who compliment the other by their contrasting personalities. Two equals, no missing pieces, one love. More colloquially speaking- soulmates.

The laws were as follows: no soul would be left unloved by their mate (romantically or elsewise), no more than five lovers to one soul, both mates would know by the time the youngest one turned eighteen, and finally, each couple was to have their own unique way of discovering their mates known as paths. 

The last law had always been your favorite part. Sure, it was special to know the one you'd end up spending your life with, but the experience of finding out was always so spectacular to you. 

There were stories of how people were once deaf until they met their soulmates and their voices were the first things they heard. Or how two souls once shared pain so intimately that if one got hurt, the other could feel the same pain. It was incredibly dramatic and severe but it was beautiful to you. 

By the time you had turned eighteen, you were almost more excited to discover your path than your actual soulmate. Sometimes, it took years to find the mate after the unique clue was given to the soul. People gained their paths at eighteen but that didn't promise quick results.

You hoped it wouldn't be a painful one like the scars that appeared on your teacher, but you weren't opposed to it either. You wanted something deep and meaningful, instead, you were very underwhelmed with the actual result. 

A letter was addressed to you with no return address. The envelope was white and boring. You had a suspicion of what the letter contained but you had to open it and know for sure. 

Inside was another white piece of paper with black lettering that seemed to be from a typewriter. The letter read: James “Bucky” Barnes  
Hair: brown  
Eyes: blue  
Race: Caucasian (Irish)  
Noticeable traits: prosthetic arm (left)...

No no, it couldn't be. This couldn't possibly be him. You looked through the letter again, trying to find some explanation but there was none. The letter just kept giving his statistics. Under the word 'Affiliation’ it just had the letters TBD. What was that supposed to mean? What was any of this supposed to mean?

You couldn't believe it. Your path was just this piece of paper? A letter with no return address? Absolutely no romance or twist? 

Tears were welling in your eyes and your throat felt like it was closing. “Mom? What is this?” You asked your mother who was interested in the letter the moment she saw it in the mailbox.

She read the information and picked up the envelope to inspect it. “I think this is your soulmate, honey” she gave you a sympathetic look, knowing how bad you wanted a meaningful path. 

“No, this is nothing. A letter can't be all” you argued, getting frustrated. It was easier for you to just be mad than face your disappointment. 

Your mom took a small object from the envelope and handed it to you. It was a photograph of your soulmate. You looked at the photo, noticing that it looked incredibly aged. The man in the photo, however was incredibly handsome. You tried to feel relief in seeing his good looks but a thousand other feelings were overwhelming you. 

For one, you were disappointed in seeing your soulmate before you met him in person. Yet another surprise ruined. You were also concerned about his age. His photograph was cracked and faded and you could make out an old uniform that was undoubtedly from the second world war. And then there was the prosthetic arm that was mentioned previously…

You wanted to be happy, you really did but this fate was so lackluster. To help clear your mind, you tried turning on the TV but the news shocked you. Your soulmate’s face was on the screen with headlines reading “Winter Soldier identified as James Buchanan Barnes. If you see this man DO NOT ENGAGE. HIGHLY DANGEROUS INDIVIDUAL”. Your soulmate was a murderer. 

The Winter Soldier. His pseudo name rang a bell. You quickly googled his name and found the S.H.I.E.L.D documents that had recently been doxxed by Natasha Romanoff at the discovery of Hydra infiltration. You kept up with current events and it bothered you that it was so difficult to find information on Barnes. After searching for a good amount of time, you managed to root out some information on him. The paper was getting crushed in your grip.

Arson. Manslaughter. Treason. Assassinations. Your soulmate was guilty of war crimes and felonies, how were you supposed to love him? Would he be capable of loving you?

The paper you held in your hands became very heavy. In an attempt to free yourself from the burden, your hands acted before your mind and they tore the paper in half. Your heart felt like it tore as well,but it didn't matter. You decided from that point on that no paper would connect you to “Bucky”. 

You swore to sever the connection to him all together, and that started with the letter in your hands.


	2. Gun Metal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have your first and second interraction with your soulmate. Things could go better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are still rough with Bucky but they pick up next chapter, trust me you just gotta have faith here

At the age of 19, you tried everything you could to not think about your soulmate. You were in school and you had a part-time job which kept you busy. Unfortunately, you worked as a tour guide in the Captain America exhibit of a museum which had plenty of information on the Howling Commandos. 

It was ironic how you got the job, expecting to be distracted from thinking about Bucky yet you were surrounded by photos of him constantly. The more time spent working, the more you knew about Bucky. 

You had even tried switching wings but your boss wouldn't let you. He said by now, you were an expert on the Commandos. You felt stuck; just like how you felt when you first discovered that damn letter. 

The letter was still in your possession, you kept it folded up in a journal. Regardless of ripping the letter, you still felt connected to it. If you had ever lost it, it might've killed you.By now you had taped it back together.

Your shift ended and you were climbing into your car when you felt something firm and cold press against the back of your head. It felt like what a gun’s muzzle might've felt like if you had any idea of what that felt like considering you had never been held at gunpoint. 

“Get in the passenger seat, keep your hands where I can see them, and don't turn around” you heard a masculine voice speak behind you. You assumed he was the one pressing a gun against your head.

You raised your hands and moved to the passenger seat, not saying anything. These situations rarely happened to you and you had no clue how to act. Detective J J Bittenbinder didn't prepare you for this.

Your attacker climbed in the seat behind you and ordered you to put your hands on the dashboard. You glanced in the rearview mirror but you couldn't see him from the angle. From his voice, however, you could tell he was wearing a mask of some kind.

“Tell me everything you know about Bucky Barnes” He ordered. It was odd that he used Barnes’ nickname. People usually called him James when you gave tours.

“Museum hours are 8 am to 9 pm on work days. Come in without a gun and I'll give you the tour, myself” you responded with more strength than you expected. You were probably just in shock but a small part of you didn't feel in danger at all.

“This isn't a goddamn joke. Tell me what you know or I blow your brains out” The attacker threatened. He had a strange accent, almost as if he had had a thicker one that he was repressing. Was it an attempt at anonymity or something completely different?

“Okay, Barnes was born in 1917. He grew up in Brooklyn with his best friend Steve Rogers who became Captain America and the captain of the Howling Commandos.” you gave the basic information that you started every tour with. 

The man behind you let out a deep breath and you heard some shuffling behind you. “Tell me more about his childhood” he said, a somber note in his voice. You could tell he had taken off his mask as his voice was clearer now.

You didn't know what to say, really. Perhaps the shock finally wore off, or perhaps his voice was just throwing you off. “He had a small family but he was lower class until he joined the army. He did well in his classes, he was an athlete, and he was very close to his friend Steve” You answered, referring back to your script, once again. 

The man behind you was silent for a long time. When he finally spoke, his voice was a whisper. “When did he find out who his soulmate was?” He asked you. For once, his voice didn't sound demanding in the slightest.   
This shocked you. There was no logical reason for a stranger to ask this question. You had a feeling you knew who was behind you, and it could have gotten you killed, but you had to ask. 

“Bucky?” You questioned, turning around. The backseat door was opened in a split second before you saw him and he vanished.

The next afternoon came and you were still shaken up about your soulmate threatening you with a gun. Why did he ask about his own past like he didn't already know? Why didn't he just ask you like a normal person who didn't hold their soulmates- or anyone, at gunpoint? 

A lot of questions were buzzing in your head and distracting you from work until you saw a suspicious man wearing a baseball cap walk in the museum doors. He clearly looked like he wasn't trying to draw attention but that didn't apply to your eyes. He was the only one you saw in the entire room. 

You walked right up to him, throwing all caution to the wind. The logical part of your mind told you there were about a hundred reasons not to speak to this man, but you couldn't stop your feet. And when he finally looked at you and you got a good look at his face, you were conscious enough to recognize your soulmate looking back at you. He wasn't like the picture you got in the envelope with the letter and he certainly didn't look like the pictures in the museum. He was scruffy and his hair was much longer. You should've been off put by his lack of care for his appearance but you didn't mind it as he stared at you, dumbfounded in your bravery or stupidity. It was odd, but you liked his eyes on you.

“Hello, sir. Would you like a tour of the Howling Commandos exhibit?” You boldly offered. Bucky was silent, but his mouth hung open in shock. “The collection is quite impressive but I feel I must inform you that guns are banned from the museum” you continued, proving you had totally lost your mind. 

Bucky couldn't get the words to leave his mouth but he followed after you when you gestured for him to follow you. 

You guided Bucky to an empty hall in the museum, as it was mainly for staff. Finally, Bucky spoke, “who the hell are you?” He asked.

“You should know a lot about me if your letter was anything like mine” you answered bitterly. “Why did you jump me last night?” 

Bucky scowled at you but behind his cold front, he held guilt and contempt for his actions. He hated that he had upset you in some way. You didn't show it, though. “I don't have to tell you anything” he bit back. He didn't know why he was acting so coldly to you, though he didn't want to open up, either.

“You do if you're my goddamn soulmate. And why did you ask me all those questions about yourself? Are you a narcissist?” you started asking him the questions you had kept to yourself all day. They were nagging at you. 

“No I'm not a narcissist, I just- I don't have to explain this to you” He deflected again.

“Then why did you come back?” You argued. The Sergeant had no response to that. He genuinely didn't know why he came back. He knew he had been compromised; it would have been safer to have just disappeared after last night, but he came back. His silence, however, spoke volumes. 

“Fine, look, let's pretend this never happened. You can look around the exhibit and do whatever soul searching or ego stroking you need to do, but after this, you get the fuck out of here. You point another gun at my head and I will end you” it was an empty threat, you both knew that much. He was twice your size and a trained assassin. It didn't matter, though, it set the tone. 

Bucky took a second to comprehend his options. He knew you were his soulmate which meant you couldn't really stay out of each other's lives, but you were royally pissed at him (as you had every right to be). He didn't want to escalate, but he didn't like leaving you. “Okay” was all he could manage to say. He left the hall and you went back to your exhibit to pretend to work for a few more hours.

Once you got home, you let yourself breakdown properly. You told your soulmate to stay out of your life and all he could say was “okay”. And what was worse, was that you didn't mean a word of it. You felt weird admitting it, but the thought of him being away was worse than the feeling of him putting a gun against your head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you have any feedback make sure to comment


	3. Moving Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get a promotion and you have to travel to Bucharest for work. You initially were worried you would have to leave Bucky behind but you learn to fear losing him is far worse than leaving him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if it's entirely obvious that I know nothing about Romanian culture. I am a tired college student who doesn't really need authenticity to enjoy a story about being soulmates with Bucky Barnes. Sorry this chapter took forever btw but you'll notice the quality and length of this chapter is superior to the others and also did I mention I'm a tired college student bc I am

Years passed before you had any formal interaction with Bucky again. Every so often, you felt his eyes on you, sensed his presence, or felt his silent surveillance. He disappeared, but he kept tabs on you in odd ways.

Sometimes, you really missed his company, regardless of how tactless you both had been in your previous exchanges. You made an oath to stay far from Bucky, but your thoughts always stayed close to him. You knew there was little hope in avoiding him, but you were stubborn. 

Eventually you managed to get an actual position at the museum in which you were employed. You recently got a promotion, as well. You would spend the summer working at the sister museum located in Bucharest, Romania. It simultaneously made you happy and sad to leave the states for a while, given that you'd leave a lot behind. It meant leaving your home, your city, and what you'd miss the most- your soulmate. 

It was embarrassing to admit that you'd miss him, especially after threatening him and being ghosted for about a year. Still, you felt compelled to at least let him know, somehow. You considered leaving a note in your home but your house sitter might find it strange. Instead, you told your coworker if Bucky were to show up looking for you, he could contact you with the number for the museum in Bucharest. Your coworker didn't know why the Winter Soldier might be looking for you or why you would ever give him your number willingly, but he took the note and accepted the task.

The flight there took forever. It was hours of sleepless boredom and stupendous boredom. Thirteen hours later and you arrived in a dreary little city in Romania. It certainly wasn’t New York but it was somewhat charming as well. You had met with an associate of the museum who helped you move your things into the small apartment that you would be staying at for the next few months. You thanked him and settled into the small box that was going to be your home. It wasn’t all awful, it was just very different from what you were used to. The utilities were all in working order and so were the appliances that were in the apartment. The cement walls were grey and cold but there was a bed and a working bathroom. You had to accept that the housing in this country was just going to be different to that of your home and that it was a new experience, otherwise, you were just going to be miserable for three months. 

You decided to explore the city in which you now lived. You wanted to know what was around you so you didn't get caught in a routine of being at home and work exclusively. Outside, you discovered a small newspaper stand, a bodega-type medicine store, a little park which was occupied by smoking teenagers and day-drunks, and a very charming farm stand. You liked the farm stand the most out of the options. 

It took two weeks until you spotted Bucky. You were coming home from from work and he was sitting on a park bench, eating a plum, watching the people. He must have really thought you wouldn’t notice him in a baseball cap as if he didn’t look exactly the same as the last time you had seen him. For a split second, you wondered how he found you until you remembered he was a very experienced assassin who hunted people and you were naive enough to leave him with the number for a location in Romania. Hopefully, he wouldn’t notice you walking home. 

Another week passed and you got a knock on your door at three in the morning. Though it seemed unlikely, you had a suspicion of who might be on the other side of the door. “What do you want?” you asked in English, knowing he could understand what you were saying unlike the rest of the building’s inhabitants. 

Looking through the peephole, you could see the shock on Bucky’s face. It really was you inside that apartment. “I want to talk” He answered, quietly so as not to disturb your neighbors. 

You opened the door and pulled him inside. It must’ve looked pretty shady from an outside point of view but no one in your hall was awake at this hour. “Do you want any tea? I have caffeinated and decaf” You offered, already putting some water on the stove to boil. 

“Decaf, please” he accepted your offer with a wave of his hand. Bucky looked surprisingly non threatening, that night. He wore sweatpants and a jacket over a t-shirt. He donned his left glove like usual but not his typical baseball cap. He probably didn't want to draw attention to himself by wearing a hat in the middle of the night. “I hardly get sleep as is” he admitted, solemnly.

For a moment, you tensed at Bucky's words. He was being vulnerable with you and that felt very strange. It was strange in the sense that you hardly knew Bucky- you've had approximately two conversations before this point. And also because you were surprised he would open up to you, even a little.

Once the water boiled, you poured it into two cups holding tea bags of varying caffeination. You put chamomile into his cup, hoping it might help his lack of sleep. “So what did you need to talk about in the wee hours of the morning?” You asked while handing James his tea. 

“I'm really sorry. This was the only time I was sure you'd be here” Bucky apologized, rubbing his eyes and then forehead. He looked exhausted. “I shouldn't have come so late but I didn't want to bother you at work again and…” He trailed off, not ready to explain everything just yet. 

Taking a seat on your small futon couch, you gestured to James to sit next to you. He didn't notice and continued to stand.

“It's alright, I don't have work tomorrow” you said, blowing on your tea and sipping quietly. The Winter Soldier before you looked like a kicked puppy. He showed his guilt plainly on his face. “Really, it's no bother. I'm glad you took my work into consideration. You can sit if you like” you assured him. Bucky sat on your couch, leaving a large gap between the two of you. 

Now that he was next to you like this, you could really see the grooves in his face from stress and fatigue. His showed deep anger and exhaustion by the way his forehead creased and his eyes sagged. You could also see marks from the ghost of his smiles on the corners of his mouth. Those, you would've liked to see more of. 

“I came here because I needed to ask if we can start over” Bucky explained “I know I fucked up and I shouldn't have threatened you. But imagine how it felt to find out after ninety years of thinking I had no soulmate that I did, in fact have one” He continued, noticing how you cringed at his excuse.

You gripped your mug tighter. “Then imagine how I felt, expecting a romantic path to my soulmate and receiving a plain letter that just spoiled it all. Imagine turning eighteen and learning the love of your life is over five times your age, a communist spy, and pointing a gun at the back of your skull” you argued, bitterly. 

Bucky flinched at your tone, realizing he had been insensitive. “Right. I’m sorry about that, too. I was supposed to…” He trailed off again. It seemed to be a habit of his to finish sentences that way. You didn’t push it, though. “What I’m trying to say is that I know we both had our differences but something will always bring us back to each other. How long have you been in Romania?” He asked and drank more tea.

“About three weeks” You answered.

“I’ve been here for six months. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were following me” Bucky joked, flashing a small smile.

You tried to memorize the image of his smile. If you squinted, you could almost see a whole grin that his smile lines alluded to. “Wait, six months? You didn’t follow me?” You asked, shocked. Bucky shook his head ‘no’ and you broke into laughter, “I thought you had followed me! I gave my coworker my number in case you needed to contact me and I thought you just followed the area code” you said, dumbfounded.

James’ eyes grew wide at your admission. “You gave him your number for me?” He didn't believe you would put yourself at risk for his benefit. He wasn't sure of what you were capable of doing.

Your cheeks showed colour, you weren't expecting him to be so touched by your actions. You hoped you could play your blush off as a reaction to your laughing fit but he probably hadn't noticed, he was exhausted. 

“Why don't we talk about this in the morning? You look like you could really use a good night's sleep” you offered, kindly. The chamomile tea was certainly doing it's job on James. He nodded his head with lethargy and went to stand from the couch. “Wait, you don't need to go back to your place. This couch turns into a bed, stay the night” you said, somewhat forcefully. You knew you were asking a lot but you felt safer with him close to you. 

Bucky looked at you, warily but accepted the offer. You didn't really know why you were doing this for Bucky. You knew he threatened you and that he was probably more dangerous than anyone you have ever met, but he was your soulmate. 

Once you finished setting up the couch with a pillow and blankets, you settled into your own bed. You almost fell asleep but you felt compelled to look at your letter again. You unlocked the drawer next to your bed and pulled out the ripped sheet. It looked the same as always, stats and labels. Regret always filled you when you looked at the tear that you had sloppily taped back together. You were brash and overwhelmed but the damage was permanent. Putting the letter back, you fell into a deep sleep that you wouldn't wake from until noon the next day.

“Good afternoon” Bucky said greeted you. 

“Hey, sorry, I thought I would wake up sooner” you apologized. You went to the fridge and pulled out supplies to make grilled cheese. “Do you want any?” You asked, gesturing to the bread and cheese. 

In response, Bucky nodded his head and thanked you. “Did you drug me last night?” He asked before stretching his arms. 

You chuckled at his question and began making the sandwiches. “Sort of? Your tea had chamomile which is a sleeping agent” you explained. 

“No, I've tried that. I haven't slept that good in years” he said. You finished making the sandwiches and handed Bucky his grilled cheese. “This is really good, (Y/N)” Bucky complimented. 

You hadn't heard him say your name before, it was trippy. It felt like you were both two normal people having lunch in your home. It felt very domestic and it made you uncomfortable how comfortable you were.

“Thanks. So what were you trying to say last night?” you asked, changing the mood.

Getting up from the couch, you poured yourself and Bucky two glasses of water. Bucky must've fixed the couch after he woke up because it was back in couch form. “I think we should try giving our relationship a chance. We've fought it long enough and I don't know how long I'll be preserved by the serum” Bucky suggested. 

He made some good points and you agreed with him but the pride you harboured didn't want you to look too eager. “I don't know. I've spent years knowing your past but I really don't know you. How am I supposed to trust you?” You asked, cautiously.

“You trusted me enough to sleep on your couch last night” he argued with an aloof expression. “I'm not going to try to force you into loving me, I know that doesn't work. But you gotta trust that I'm coming from a place of sincerity, (Y/N)” Bucky pleaded. 

There was a pregnant pause from your consideration. You weighed your options but you finally came to a decision. “It has to be a real relationship. You need to be honest with me and you need to trust me” You demanded. Bucky cracked another small smile 

“You know you'll have to follow those same rules, right?” Bucky jested. You made a sour face and he actually laughed. 

Bucky's laugh could be the only thing you heard for the rest of your life and you wouldn't mind. “What? I'm honest!” You snapped at him. 

“You know everything about my past and I know your name” He said, laughing still. You raised a brow at him in confusion and he elaborated, “All I know about you is from a sheet of paper” He pulled his letter from his backpack. 

You blinked at his letter and reached out for it. Bucky pulled it out of your reach. “Uh-uh, if you want to read this, you need to tell me something I don't know yet about you” he said.

“Let me read it, Bucky. I have a right to it” you reached further and he held it away from your grasp. You climbed on to his lap, grasping at it.

Bucky still held the letter away from you. “This is what I'm talking about. You aren't honest and you don't trust me” He said, displeased with your actions.

You scowled and climbed off his lap, embarrassed by your behaviour. “What do you want to know?” you asked.

“What was your family like?”

“Next question” you dismissed his question entirely. Bucky was frustrated with your response but didn't push the topic.

“Tell me about your childhood” he said, bringing the letter closer to you. 

“My parents got divorced when I was young. We weren't affluent to begin with but the divorce certainly didn't help. I had a few pets that I got along with better than the other kids at school who didn't like me for whatever reason” you described your childhood with evident distaste. “I didn't have a lot of friends and I kept myself happy by promising myself I'd have a romantic path that led me to the perfect soulmate. Instead, I got a letter in the mail” you finished, bitterly. 

Bucky took a bite from his sandwich and gave you your letter. “And an imperfect soulmate” he noted. He silently considered that you weren't telling him all that much about your childhood but you probably weren't ready to open up about it all, yet. 

Reading through the letter, you noticed the same statistics as we're on the letter you got. There was nothing too personal which comforted you. “Are you scared of being vulnerable?” Bucky asked, taking the letter back from you and putting it in his bag. 

You didn't answer him but he understood your silence. “Can I tell you something personal? I've never told anyone else this” Bucky asked, trying to show you that you could trust him. You nodded. “I've gone a hundred years and the only person I know for a fact loved me was my friend Steve” he said. You knew he was talking about Steve Rogers but he continued, “I don't talk to Steve anymore, it's too complicated but I don't like the feeling of being alone. I spent decades without love and I’m scared…” he trailed off, again. 

“You do that when you think you've said too much” you said, observing his behaviors. Bucky shrugged his shoulders and looked away from you. “I'm not gonna leave you, if that's what you're scared of” you assured him.

Bucky nodded his head and grabbed his backpack. “I need to go clear my head and shower. Can I see you again tonight?” He asked. 

“Sure. I’m free whenever” You said, picking up his plate and placing it in the sink.

“Alright, dress casually. I’ll pick you up half past seven if that’s alright with you?” he asked and opened the door to your apartment. You told him that was fine and that you were looking forward to seeing him again. “I’ll see you then… and thanks” Bucky shut the door behind him and left.  
That night, you went to a small coffee shop. Your first date was casual and light-hearted. More dates came and went with Bucky. Some dates were movie dates, others were just walks around nearby parks, none were all too fancy but you didn’t mind. You enjoyed the comfortable life you were building with Bucky in Romania. 

Eventually, Bucky moved his things into your apartment. His apartment was much smaller than yours and it broke your heart to see how he had been living for months. He was very appreciative of your hospitality and did chores and ran errands to makeup for the space he occupied. You constantly told him that he owed you nothing but it didn’t stop the guilt he always felt. 

Two months into living in Romania, you felt like you were finally with your soulmate. You hadn’t really let the feeling sink in until you woke up on your couch, cradling Bucky in your arms after you had both fallen asleep during a movie marathon. You were holding your soulmate and you could feel it when you traced your fingers on the grooves of his metal arm that he revealed to you.

For a while, everything felt perfect. You had had a calm day at work, the sky was blue, your feet didn’t hurt on the walk home, and you were looking forward to coming home to your boyfriend. Nothing could have ruined your day until you walked into your apartment and saw Bucky holding your torn letter, his broken heart on his sleeve. “James? How did you-” You began before being cut off.

“You tore it?” He asked, offended.

“Yeah, when I was eighteen. I was a bit dramatic” You explained.

“Why didn’t you tell me you tore it? Were you ever going to?” He pressed, not giving you time to answer him. “Why do you hide so much from me?” 

“I don’t know, I was embarrassed. I taped it back together” You said, walking to him. You could see your bedside drawer had been opened forcefully. “Why did you open that drawer?” You asked, frustrated with his behaviour.

Bucky threw the letter on the table and got up to face you. “What happened to trusting each other? And honesty?” He gestured to the letter and avoided your confused gaze.

“Are you kidding me? How is breaking into my things trusting me? That’s fucking weird” You hissed at him, moving around him to look him in the eyes. He had been crying. “Woah, James. What’s going on?” You asked, sensing there was a deeper issue. You knew Bucky better than he had expected you to.

Taking a deep breath, Bucky turned on your TV set to the news. It showed his image along with a reporter reading aloud ‘The Winter Soldier bombs the signing of the Sokovia Accords. Hundreds injured, including King T’chaka of Wakanda’. Your jaw dropped. There was no way he could have bombed that building, Bucky was in your house all day. He had only left to buy some plums from the small farm stand. 

“I didn’t do it, (Y/N). They’ll be here any minute and I didn’t want it to be difficult for you to let me go” Bucky admitted, beginning to cry again.

You hugged him, tightly and stroked his hair. “Then we’ll just leave. We don’t have to just sit here and wait, we can go” You begged. Now that you finally had him, you didn’t want to let go. He was your soulmate, you weren’t about to let the law get between you.

Above you, you heard footsteps coming from Bucky’s empty apartment. “That’s probably Steve…” he grasped your shoulders and forced you to look into his eyes. “I have to go now. Whatever happens, you need to stay here and you can’t leave until you’re sure I’m gone. If they come for you, run. Do you understand?” He instructed. You answered ‘yes’ and Bucky kissed you softly on your lips. You realized it was your first kiss with Bucky.

“I love you, Bucky Barnes” You said as Bucky opened the door. 

“I love you, too, (Y/N)” Bucky said before shutting the door behind him. You turned off your TV once you heard the first few gunshots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all finally don't hate each other! Thanks agin for reading this saucy fic


	4. Goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You go on vacation to avoid your feelings about Bucky's abduction. It isn't very long until you stumble into one another again, though

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a HOT minute since I've watched Civil War so I doubt this works chronologically but it's cool I'm having fun writing this. Also, sorry it's taking me so long to update this fic, life is really against me being productive rn but i'm pushing through all that

Not much time passed after Bucky was taken from you in Romania. You tried going back to work but staying in Romania was too painful. Living in that apartment you briefly shared with him was too heartbreaking. Oftentimes, you would see his face on the news or online. Eventually, you learned to shut everything off. Your depression was becoming overwhelming and you needed to leave so you packed your bags and flew to Germany.

Your boss was wary to let you go on vacation so suddenly but you explained your loss to her. You could hear her crying in sympathy over the phone. In a way, you envied her- you were still too numb to cry at the loss of your soulmate.

You didn’t know what compelled you to go to Germany, specifically. You knew you had to go somewhere when you got to the airport but you had no destination in mind. You saw the list of destinations on the kiosk and for some reason, Berlin stuck out to you. 

The hotel you were staying in wasn’t the highest quality, but it was better than the apartment you had in Romania and you were sure no one had fired a gun in this room recently so it was a good deal. Your bags sat in front of the bed, unopened and deflated. You didn’t want to unpack because you didn’t want things to feel permanent or that you had to spend more than an instant packing before running away again. Your paranoid preparations gave you some perspective as to why Bucky lived so humbly in Romania and it somehow made you feel closer to him. It made you realize how close your souls really were. 

Of the short few hours you had spent in Berlin since your arrival, nearly all of them had been spent being a tourist. You visited Checkpoint Charlie and a standing piece of Die Mauer; all places you had read about in history classes and textbooks but never got to see before now. They kept you busy and distracted, for a short while but eventually, you would have to go back to your subpar hotel room and face how alone you were. That’s where you were, noticing your full bags at the end of your empty bed. 

It was a quarter past five in the morning when you heard a knock at your hotel room door. You didn’t answer it at first, you suspected your mind to be playing tricks on you from sleep deprivation. You were hopeful that it was Bucky knocking but it was probably a bump from another room holding two soulmates who never had to feel the seperation you did. It was on the third pounding knock on your door that you finally heard a voice behind it.

“Do we really need to do this?” Asked an anonymous voice to some other figure outside your room. Whomever stood outside that door spoke English, and in an American accent.

It took you no time to open the door after you heard that voice, it meant Bucky was behind that door. When the door was opened, your jaw dropped. Bucky was nowhere to be seen: in his place was a tall, blonde man with striking blue eyes and a flip phone. You instantly recognized him as Steve Rogers and he looked a bit beat up. He still managed to look effortlessly handsome in his bruised state.

“She’s up, I’ll meet you there soon” He said, hanging up the phone. 

“You’re Bucky’s friend, Steve.” You stated, blank stare aimed in his direction. You had to asses the situation as logically as you could. It’s more likely than not he’s still in cahoots with Bucky and he can take you to him. But, there was a small doubt in your mind that he could have betrayed Bucky after his abduction in Romania and use you as leverage against him. James didn’t talk much about Steve when you were together, but you remembered what was written on the walls of the museum. They were like brothers, but that last moment you shared with James left some questions unanswered. You remembered how he acknowledged Steve must've been in his apartment which meant Steve either came as a warning or an enemy.

Steve smirked “No one’s called me that since I became the Captain” He sized you up and spotted the bags in your hand, “Going somewhere?” He asked, pointing to them.

“That depends on who you were speaking to on that burner” 

“I think we both know who was on the other line” He said, looking away from you.

You had to make sure it wasn’t a trap before trusting him “Can I say no?” You asked, bluffing. Steve’s eyes shot to yours, trying to understand why you would even ask that. 

“Of course you can. Look, he doesn’t want you to get involved in this shitshow at all but he needs to say goodbye before we leave. He knows it’s risky but he wanted to do this” Steve explained, slightly flustered by the time-crunch. “I just lost my soul-mate a few days ago, (Y/N) and you gotta trust me; you’re gonna want to say whatever’s left to say” Steve’s voice was somber and you could hear his pain. You shut the door behind you and Steve walked you out of the hotel to a small, old car in the parking lot. 

Inside the car were two incredibly cramped figures, one of whom was Bucky. “We gotta go, quickly. Lemme throw your bags in the trunk” Steve ushered you by grabbing your small bags and tucking them underneath his shield as you focussed on the backseat door of the tiny car. 

Once it was opened, you threw yourself onto the seat next to your soulmate and kissed him suddenly on the lips. His body was tense with shock but he adapted quickly to the situation. He had always been shy of contact with you, you had assumed it was because his touch starvation had become a constant that he wasn’t ready to discard. It wasn’t, though; he just knew if he indulged in you, he wouldn’t be able to hold himself back. James was scared of his own strength around you.

“I’m Sam, it's great to meet you too” The other figure in the front seat said, bitterly. His comment snapped your attention away from your soulmate and you regained your composure.

“Sam, this is (Y/N), Bucky’s soulmate” Steve introduced you as he pulled the car out of the parking lot. 

You turned to face Sam and his aloof expression. He had a deep complexion and a boyish face which made it hard for you not to laugh at his immature posture. By the way he had his seat reclined, you could tell he had a disapproval of Bucky.

“Sorry about that, it’s nice to meet you” You offered to shake his hand by squeezing your arm into the front seat. Sam puffed air through his nose as a restrained laugh threatened to escape. He awkwardly shook your hand and nodded.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s nice to finally meet you” 

“Finally? Were you talking about me, Barnes?” You asked James, turning to your soulmate beside you. You noticed your hands were intertwined. 

Bucky’s mouth was parted in shock, still. “I can’t believe you came. I thought…” He trailed off. Old habits die hard you guessed. 

“That I’d miss an opportunity to see you? No way” you reassured him. Bucky’s mouth closed and turned into the faintest smile. “So where are we going? Safe house?” You asked, resting your head on James’ shoulder.

Sam nodded towards the airport that the car was approaching. “Not exactly” He answered.

“We got you a ticket back to America. It leaves in an hour so your plane will have plenty of time beforehand” Steve said to you.

Your chest tightened at the thought. You had a million questions at that statement that you weren’t expecting to be answered so you asked the safest one: “Does that mean we’ll have time to say goodbye?” 

Bucky’s body stiffened next to yours. “There’s never enough time for that, (Y/N)” Bucky sighed. Once you got to the terminal, Sam gave you your ticket and shook your hand, wishing you safe travels. He and Steve walked back to the car, leaving you and Bucky.

It struck you as completely ironic that in the time spent avoiding Bucky, you always found each other but now that you wanted to be together, you were being pulled apart. “Promise me that no matter what happens after this moment, we will find each other again” You nearly ordered and held Bucky’s hand in your firm grip. He kissed the top of your head and held your waist in the hand that wasn't holding yours which made you feel safe. 

“Do you know why we got letters in the mail and not some riddle or tattoo?” Bucky asked you. When you shook your head into his chest, he explained, “It’s because those letters are my missions. I would get them from HYDRA and they gave me everything I needed to know about my victim so I could successfully complete my mission” He stepped away from you to look you in the eyes as you said nothing in shock. “That night we met, I was supposed to kill you. When I couldn’t do it, I knew you were my soulmate” Bucky’s metal thumb traced over your knuckles which were going white with your grip’s strength.

“I don’t think I’m ever going to forgive myself for the time I wasted hiding from you”

“I forgive you (Y/N). Please know that the time we’ve spent together was the best I’ve had in my life” Bucky’s eyes were pooling with tears “Know that I never wanted to leave you like this and that if I had to go through another hundred years of torture, I’d do it if it meant you’d be there once I got out” He looked down at his feet and fought back the shame he felt for crying in front of you. He didn’t want you to think he was weak.

You caressed his cheek and tilted his head to face you. “It won’t have to come to that, Bucky. But if it does, I’ll wait for you for the rest of my fucking life” Leaning up, you kissed Bucky goodbye. “We’ll see each other again” Once he left, you boarded your plane to what you once referred to as your home. Your home resided in in your soulmate, now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this bad boi. I have an epilogue coming up next time so eep an eye out for that babey. And ofc leave feedback in the comments so I know if I'm fucking up here


	5. Complete

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the battle in Berlin worried you but you were glad to discover Bucky was safe. You are presented with the task of staying by his side, now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy was this a long chapter to write. Again, I know it took me forever to post this but I'm pretty proud of this spicy little number and it's 1:20 in the morning. Anyway I decided five chapters wasn't enough to yolk this story so you'll be getting a short epilogue after I get some rest

After your last run in, you moved back into your old home. You only had to wait one week after Berlin. One more week of agonizing loneliness, but it was cut short. Sam came to your old apartment in America. He filled you in on what had happened in the HYDRA base. He explained how he and the rest of Steve's allies were now war criminals and that you were at risk of being kidnapped by Bucky's enemies again. 

Sam also told you about how Bucky had to be put into a deep sleep in a location he couldn't disclose to you in case your apartment was bugged which it absolutely had been by now. But he didn't have to tell you about the invitation that was on the table. 

“We got maybe eight minutes tops before SWAT comes knocking on the door looking for me. I’m kind of a war criminal” He said, nodding towards the same bag you had packed in Berlin. You had cleaned the clothes inside since then but the bag was packed again with new, fresh clothes. 

“You almost sound proud” You said, grabbing the bag and walking out of your apartment. Sam followed you and chuckled at your attitude. He walked you to the parking lot near your place and you looked around for his ride. When you couldn't see which car might be his, Sam clicked a button on a strange car fob and a futuristic jet appeared before you. “Holy shit, you're a Klingon?” You asked, stepping inside the jet.

“It's Wakandan” Sam explained, starting the jet with the beads on a bizarre bracelet he wore. Strange, you had thought Wakanda was an incredibly poor country based on its status of being a third world country. You nearly fell to the floor when the jet accelerated off the ground. “Yeah, you’re gonna want to hold on. I spent my life flying high tech but nothing this advanced” Sam twisted another bead and the ship shifted in a way that made you suspect it had become invisible from the exterior again or Sam just royally fucked with something in the engineering. 

From a bird’s eye view, you could see the SWAT team entering your home and you became incredibly uncomfortable with your privacy being invaded. “Let’s get out of here, Sam” 

The trip to Wakanda was shorter than you would have expected but Sam did say the technology was incredibly advanced. You were happy he was a skilled pilot. Aside from almost retching from the fear of crashing into a Wakandan mountain, only to discover it was yet another cloaking device hiding a glorious kingdom of riches and sophisticated architecture that the rest of the world had no knowledge of, you had a rather uneventful flight. You had expected Bucky to be waiting for you when you landed but you reminded yourself he had been in a coma for rehabilitation. From the past few months you had been having, you didn’t blame him for needing some rest. Steve and a regal looking man beside him greeted you as you stepped off the plane. 

“It’s good to see you again, (Y/N)”. Steve hugged you and you stiffened in his arms, unsure of what to say. You appreciated his manners but you didn’t know Steve all that well, personally other than everything you had to learn about him for work. Actually, you knew a good deal about him. Once you remembered who he was to Bucky, however, you relaxed in his embrace and hugged back. 

“Likewise. I’m glad to see you back in one piece” You joked and pulled away to acknowledge the man next to him. “Hi there, my name’s (Y/N)” You introduced yourself and offered your hand for him to shake.

The man smiled and Steve had a weird look on his face like he forgot something. “It is nice to meet you, (Y/N). I am T'challa, son of T'chaka, and king of Wakanda” He shook your hand but the weight of his importance shook you. 

Completely speechless, you shook the king’s hand a little too long and probably made a fool of yourself. It became clear that T’challa was uncomfortable and you were imposing on his valuable time. “Sorry about that, I spent the last few months in a country where it’s customary to shake hands for a long time. I don’t know why I haven’t broken the habit” You covered your slip up with a pretty half-assed excuse but it was better than nothing. “Thank you for allowing me to stay here, your Majesty” You moved on. 

“I see you’ve even gotten the foreigners to kiss your ass now, brother” A young girl who couldn’t have been older than sixteen stepped around the king so you could see her. 

“Shuri, could you please take our new guest to the laboratory so she can see her soulmate” T’challa suggested. Shuri nodded and threw back some witty comment at him before taking you and Steve into a large building full of technology. 

You were looking around at all the strange futuristic machinery in awe when Shuri snapped her fingers in front of your face. “Touch and take nothing. I don’t expect you to understand this tech enough to try and copy it but don’t abuse my trust, understand?” She asked, walking you up a strange hovering staircase. 

“I’m trying to. I work with history, not the future. You’re secrets are completely safe.” You comforted her with your ignorance. It stung to be condescended to by a child but you had a feeling she wasn’t one to be messed with and you could accept that. 

Shuri walked you to a room where Bucky was being held in. It hurt to see him so untouchable behind the glass but the peaceful look on his face was enough for you not to bother him. You only saw that expression when he was truly calm with you. It was possible it was the first time he had been that calm in decades. 

Looking at him, you noticed Bucky’s arm was missing. “What happened here?” You asked, concerned.

“He kinda- well it was actually my fault. I pissed off Tony Stark and he took it out on Bucky” Steve said. A gross feeling settled within you and you felt like throwing up again. 

“That hardly sounds like an appropriate response” You said, tightening your fists.

Steve noticed how upset you had become and decided to change the topic. “So the think it’d be best to keep him under for a year and then slowly introduce him back into socialising. It’d really help him, though if you would be here for him when he eventually wakes up” 

You touched the glass above Bucky’s face, “Done. Where should I live until then? And also after then” You asked. 

Shuri had moved to the other side of the room but you hadn’t noticed. “You can live in a village. Would you prefer somewhere urban or rural?” 

“Rural, please. I’ve had enough of cities” You answered, easily, “And I think it’d be better for James once he finally wakes up” 

You saw Steve give you a light smile. He was happy that Bucky had someone with his best interest in mind. “I think he’d really appreciate that” Steve said, patting you on the shoulder, kindly. 

Shuri held out a band of the same strange beads Sam wore on his wrist to pilot the ship. You didn’t understand what was being offered until she explained what they were, “Vibranium technology. They will act as a form of communication while you’re here. They work by twisting one inscribed by the symbol that matches the other bracelet you wish to reach” She twisted one and her own became active. “This one’s mine, the one next to it is Sam’s, and this one here is Steve’s. You can call me any time and always feel free to stop by but if you start to spam me with them, I can block you” She twisted the bead off. “But seriously, if you find a good meme you know who to call” Shuri said. You had to laugh at her last comment. 

“Thanks, Shuri” You said, tapping the beads to see what else they could do. Steve looked completely lost at what she had said. 

Once you said goodbye to the tank Bucky was in, Shuri took you to see the new property you were allotted. It was a much larger space than you were used to and you were almost overwhelmed in it’s capacity. It was at least an acre of land, a large farm house surrounded by grasses and a small herd of goats. “I will name them all and I will protect them at all costs” You vowed, instantly loving the creatures. It was hard for you to imagine such mundane animals in such a fantasy of a place but you powered through. The interior was beautifully decorated with textiles lining the walls and art on every surface. The furniture was a neat mix of the traditional art of Wakanda and the sci-fi vibe it now portrayed. You were suddenly very happy your soulmate was an enemy of the state because there was no way you would have afforded this place in any country. 

“So I know it’s kind of shabby but it’s the best we could do on short notice. Is it alright?” Shuri asked. 

You gushed over the craftsmanship of the dining set and said “Shuri, this is luxurious. I get goats, how could I possibly say no to this?” 

“You foreigners are so easy to please. I can’t imagine the standards of living you must have back home” Shuri excused herself and went back to her lab. You tried not to think about the way you lived in Bucharest because in all honesty, you were only happy living there because Bucky was there with you. Steve was still standing in the doorway. 

“You gonna be alright on your own until he wakes up?” He asked, picking at the wood on the wall. “Sam and I still need to tie up some loose ends out in the world but I’m always available” Steve waved his wrist a bit that had the beads on it. 

Sitting on the couch, you invited Steve to sit next to you but he chose to stand. He was similar to Bucky in a lot of his mannerisms. “I’m here for you, too, Steve. I’m sure you’ve been through hell and back but you should know that you’re safe here, too” You said, realizing that for the first time in months, you were safe as well. 

“I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfortable, but sometimes, you really remind me of Peggy” Steve said before exiting your new living space. The comment hadn’t made you uncomfortable, just very alone. 

Adjusting to life in Wakanda was much easier than you had expected. You frequently visited the markets and tended to your goats like the humble farmer you had become. As a joke, you named the goats after sitcom characters from the 90’s and they grew very fond of you. Once a week, you made it up to the labs to visit Bucky and Shuri who would ask you about America and oftentimes, you would lecture her in history and she would have very little interest as she built new machines to make the lives of Wakandans easier. Shuri didn’t mind your company but she thought you needed more friends than a fish tank and a sixteen year-old scientist so she asked her brother to set you up with a tutor. 

You didn’t know what to expect when she said ‘tutor’ but you were surprised to be introduced by a member of the Dora Milaje who was going to teach you combat. You were especially surprised to discover what a fast learner you were and how good you were becoming at fighting. You didn’t hold a candle to the Dora soldiers but over many months, you were impressing even Sam who you were able to pin in a match. 

The Dora were teaching you to use a type of staff in battle before you had to put your training on pause. The crown was being threatened by an outsider or so you were told before you were relocated to a smaller village along with Bucky’s unconscious body, laid out on a blanket. No one filled you in on exactly what was going with the throne but you hoped Shuri and T’challa were safe. At one point, you must have been discovered because two of the Wakandan men kicked in the door to the hut you were staying in and attempted to grab you. They wouldn’t tell you why they came or where you were going but Shuri gave you strict instructions not to leave your safehouse so you put your new defense training to use. You did feel pretty awful hurting the men as they had been kind to you when you first arrived to the country. One had even been your neighbor, but you only knocked them out to drag Bucky and yourself to somewhere that might’ve been safer. 

Once the sounds of battle muted, you called Shuri who found you in a field you had gotten lost in. Shuri had been impressed by your defense skills when she heard the story but you were just happy no one was hurt too badly, especially Bucky. No one ever really explained what had happened but you figured it wasn’t really your business and everyone was safe. 

The one good thing that came from all the drama was that you realized how close Bucky was to finally waking up. You had been in Wakanda for months and it was nearly time for Bucky to wake up. He was permanently moved back to another small village and you could finally stay with him. You were given instructions to wash him and give him fluids while he slept and you were able to perform the tasks with help from a nurse from the city. It made you laugh inwardly that your soulmate in a sense was a geriatric patient in your care. You remembered how his age was so formidable to you when you initially got the letter in the mail but now it rarely was a thought that crossed your mind. You even would reread your letter, finding small little things in the letter you overlooked as an eighteen year-old. While reading the old, torn letter for the millionth time, you were so immersed that you nearly missed the sputter coming from Bucky’s throat.

Jumping to his side, you checked James’ vitals with your bracelet but he grabbed your wrist with his hand, firmly and his eyes shot open. “(Y/N)?” He asked, throat rough with neglect.

“I’m here, James” You said, touching his face. “How’re feeling?” You asked.

“Water” He said, not answering your question. You grabbed him a glass and filled it with water. He drank it in one large gulp before answering your question, “I feel alright”

“Eight months in deep sleep and you feel ‘alright’?” You teased, twisting the bead on your bracelet that connects to Steve’s. 

Bucky went to stand up but the nurse, Adea, came over and instructed him not to move too quickly. You left the room when she mentioned something about the catheter and Steve picked up your call. “Hey, how’s sleeping beauty” He asked.  
“In a few minutes, you can ask him yourself” You said, waiting until you got the signal to come back in. It wasn’t that you hadn’t seen Bucky like this before, but you expected he would probably like some privacy now he was conscious.

On the other end of the line, Steve was beaming, “Is he really awake?” Steve was already on his way over from whatever safehouse he was hiding in. Hearing Bucky’s voice from inside the hut, you came inside. “Hey, is that him? Can you put him on the… phone I guess?” Steve was still perplexed by the technology of Wakanda. 

You angled the bracelet for Bucky to be able to converse with Steve. “Hey, buddy. Where’d you go? One minute I was falling asleep in a lab with you by my side and now I’m in a shack?”

“I dragged you here, myself you unappreciative asshole” You smacked him on the back of his head and he chuckled. “Hey Steve did you grow out your beard?” You noticed his new facial hair, or was it there before? He had grown his hair out, too and you realised how long it had been since you last spoke to Steve. He shrugged in response and you saw he was climbing into a jet before he excused himself and promised to come over as soon as he could.

Hanging up the call, you and Bucky took a small breath, appreciating the company you were sharing. Bucky had thinned considerably since he had been put to sleep but he definitely looked refreshed. You were happy he got some rest. “Did I lose my mind from that coma, or did you get buff?” He asked you, pinching at your bicep.

“You’re probably the most sane you’ve been in a while, Buck or we wouldn’t have bothered putting you under. And yeah I kinda took some lessons from the Dora Milaje” You said, making Bucky laugh.

“Oh I wish I hadn’t missed that. I’m sure they loved teaching you to fight” He still had that perfect laugh you could never tire from. In fact, just hearing his voice after all this time brought you close to tears. 

You pushed him lightly because he was a bit more fragile in this state. “They did not. I’m still very much an outsider” You said, getting up to refill his glass. “And you didn’t miss much”

You spent another month in the small village. Local kids would often come in to play with Bucky who didn’t mind the company or to braid your hair that had grown immensely and teach you games you can play with stone pieces much like chess. They even gave Bucky a nickname- White Wolf as it was translated for you by Adea. They called you the Blue Crane, apparently. Steve visited the both of you and helped you both move back to the house had originally chosen to stay in. He couldn’t stay too long, though. He still had some things to finish out in the rest of the world. You were happy to stay in your bubble of security with Bucky.

It didn’t take much time or effort for his body to re adjust from his sleep. It had been used to it after the years of being comatose to awake for HYDRA. He still had nightmares every so often, walking in the night for sometimes hours until he came back to you. You never asked what he was dreaming of and he appreciated that. Sometimes, he’d hear a loud crash and he’d get jittery or try to find you and protect you but it was an improvement. 

A peaceful few months passed and you found yourself unable to sleep. It was nearly sunrise, but you just sat outside alone. As the sun rose, you tried to memorize exactly every detail you saw because you were scared it might one day get taken from you. You thought about how it felt each time you had been separated from Bucky and how it had been similar to the dread you expected losing the sunrise would be like, but you stopped yourself. You weren’t going to entertain those thoughts right now. Realizing you still held that old letter in your hand, you skimmed it again, looking to the last line. It had changed somehow; in red ink, it displayed a different word that you couldn’t quite make out until the sunlight rose high enough to illuminate the page. It read, ‘Mission: Complete’. To your right, you could make out T’challa and many of his followers coming towards you, holding a box. Behind you, you felt Bucky’s presence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading and bearing with these late additions. Make sure to keep an eye out for that epilogue and comment some thoughts and feelings! Also this story is kind of my baby so be gentle with the criticism


	6. The Valley of Death/ Close to Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the epilogue I promised. This takes place after the snap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay it's finally over and while i'm relieved i'm also kinda sad because by fay this was my favourite fic to write. it definitely lost the whole "soulmate" aspect for a bit but hopefully it sorta brought it back in this one. Anyway if it doesn't match up continuity-wise with the film, i really don't care at this point and i hope you have enjoy reading this as much as i did writing it

There were was worse ways you could have gone. You were put in a secure building in Wakanda before it happened. You were nervous, for Bucky, Steve, and Sam who were still outside. You were with Shuri, handing her tools to help her with the artificial lifeform on her operating table. She was scolding a man whose name was Bruce Banner for being so obtuse about building said artificial life while hurriedly trying to find a way to rip a stone out of it’s head. It was pure chaos with the threat of bizarre creatures tearing at the borders of Wakanda and large ships looming above the ground. You were hoping Bucky was safe out there.

You tried to focus on Vision, the robot being operated on, but he fled to the battle to protect his lover and possibly the universe. You were happy he left, though, because it gave you an excuse to watch out the window and see if Bucky was alright. Eventually, he had moved to a covered area in the jungle and an instinct in you told you to follow him. 

Shuri tried to stop you, it didn’t matter. You grabbed a vibranium staff and started running to find him. Sam was on the jungle floor, holding his side that had probably been bruised. Holding his hand, you promised to come back for him once you found Bucky. It didn’t take long to find him. He attacked the large purple alien you assumed was “Thanos”, as was explained to you earlier. Ducking in the bushes, you watched him get beat around and it hurt to see him take the blows. Steve got involved, then, catching the titan’s hand, impressing you as well as Thanos before taking a blow as well. Suddenly, a sort of battle axe cut through the air and Thor, the God of thunder appeared. You almost didn’t recognize him from the news since his new haircut. Then, you heard a snap and Thanos was gone. 

Thinking the coast was clear and you were safe, you came out of hiding. Bucky couldn’t see you from where he was standing and asked “Steve?” before dropping to the ground. No, wait, he wasn’t there anymore. Steve rushed to where he was and you started walking to see what had happened when you felt it.

It started as pins and needles in your hands but quickly spread and increased in intensity. Panicking, you tried to walk to Steve and notice the shadow of ash that once was Bucky. “Wait, don’t-” was all you could say before you lost control of speech. You saw Steve turn to look at you and then suddenly, nothing at all.

You woke up with a start. The air around you tasted a bit different, you noticed. Your surroundings were tinted in a hue you had never recognized before and you couldn’t feel the ground beneath you. You were lying down, weren’t you? Or were you standing? You couldn’t find the spacial awareness to understand what angle you were in but you had no vertigo. It was like you were still but the world around you was in movement. 

“You too, doll?” You heard a voice, Bucky’s voice. You crained your head to the side and there he was, dapper in his old uniform and freshly cut hair. “Take my hand, it’s easier to adjust when someone is there with you” He said, offering his hand. You took it and the movement around you stopped.  
“Where are we?” You asked, entranced by his beauty.

“It depends. I see a bar I used to go to during the War” Bucky answered, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. 

You focused hard on what he had said. “Okay, I want to see what you see” and so you did. It was a jovial atmosphere filled with bright, young faces and jazz music. Looking in the mirror behind the bar, you saw the reflection of yourself. You were wearing a red cotton dress that resembled what you knew to be a traditional dress in the 1940’s. Your hair and makeup were done in a time-appropriate fashion and you beamed at your appearance. 

“You’re drop-dead gorgeous” Bucky commented, smitten with you. 

Flashes of memory appeared. You saw Steve’s eyes, a shadow on the jungle floor. “Is that what happened?” You asked. Bucky didn’t follow so you elaborated. “Did I drop dead? I saw you die, I think” 

Bucky’s eyes showed recognition and he nodded. “Yeah, I think we’re...” He responded, not quite ending his sentence. It was that old habit of his only this time it was from a state of contentedness and not from discomfort. Kissing your lips, gently, he added “And we’re together” to complete his thought.

You smiled and looked around the bar and saw a young boy who seemed anxious sitting on a barstool. Walking up to him, you tapped his shoulder and asked, “Are you alright? What do you see?” You could see he was unhappy with his surroundings. 

“What do you mean? We’re at Mr. Stark’s lab. Are you one of his assistants?” He fidgeted with his fingers and looked at you, expectedly with bright brown eyes. “We are at the lab, right? I don’t know how I got here” You weren’t sure what he was seeing or how he died but it must have been upsetting.

Bucky came to your side and the young boy tensed. “Hey, don’t I know you? Are you supposed to be in here?” The boy asked. You could see his memory coming back to him. He looked around and finally got the picture. 

Feeling guilty for ruining the boy’s ignorance, you put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m pretty sure this is an afterlife. I think you’re safe” You assured him.

“Oh man, Aunt May is gonna kill me” He said before getting out of his stool and walking off. 

Bucky laughed at the irony and you enjoyed your favourite sound again. Only, it was brighter here. It was like the laughter had not been as diluted by sadness as it had been when he was alive. “(Y/N), will you dance with me?” He asked.   
In life, you couldn’t dance for anything but this was the afterlife and you found that you knew the steps naturally. 

Dancing to the band’s music, you bumped into Sam who scoffed at Bucky and said “I can’t believe it, I’m in hell”. He laughed and patted you on the back, approvingly. 

Resting your head on your soulmate’s chest, you realized that this was as close to heaven as you and Bucky would ever get and you let yourselves be in peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for going through this whole journey with me. Hopefully you liked this fic. if you did, comment feedback. if you didn't, i appreciate constructive criticism. Also this may be my last fic until winter break because finals are upon me and im exhausted. thanks again!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This first chapter is more of a teaser than anything else. I promise Bucky is actually in the next chapter, just bare with me. Tell me your thoughts on it so far so I can improve and make adjustments as needed!


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